Holy Cow

It has been a day. Sugar has been all over the place but that is ok, cannot remember if I took the meds this evening thats ok.. Charlis and Dewey are here that helps a whole lot. We shopped all afternoon had lunch with Richard. Found some INCREDIBLE deals. And had a visit with Larry's son Jon Oh my gosh ! He came to get some pictures we had pictures of Katie some when she was little some when she was here. And they needed them for a memorial service. He came and got them we just made him a disc. Lots of tears everyone cried more than once. So it has been a wonderful day !

She called me Mom

She did not have to. She was Larry's daughter not mine. But she called me Mom did I live up to her expectations ? I dont know, I tried though. She hated me and she loved me. She hated that her Daddy left her to be with me. Cant say that I blame her for that. It was never my intention for her to feel that way. But she loved me as well. Her Dad told me years ago that he would share his kids with me, since I was never able to have my own. I could just share his. They all liked that idea. When they were little they would all come over to my apartment. They would go in fifty directions looking for the ferret. I remember she was about 3 and she had been in to the bathroom. She came out to find the ferret in her shoes. And was just horrified she looked at me and cried " those are my shoes ". Her lifes ambition was to be a Grandmother. She was a sweet sweet child, and thrilled us both when she came back into our lives 10 years after the divorce. She only stayed a little while. It broke our hearts to see her go. But she was a grown up. She kept reminding us of that. That she was not that little girl any more. Though we never got that image of her out of our heads. She was always that little girl. With those big impossibly blue eyes, and that crooked little grin. We wanted to just keep her, and keep her safe. That was not as simple as it had been when she was young. So we had to let her go. Larry told her she could come back that we would come and get her. No matter what no matter where we would move mountains for HER not for her and the boyfriend. Maybe thats where we were wrong ? Putting conditions on our coming to her rescue. She loved crasins and bubble gum we would send her boxes full of those and beads. She loved Jesus she loved her family especially her little sister. She has a child of her own now Elijah they call him Eli we have never met him. But he is safe with her sister Emily and her family. I love her awful I always did I always will. She called me Mom and my baby died this week a tragic accident a life cut short way to soon. Rest in Peace sweet Katie and know that we love you.

Tuesday July 19th 2011 7:58 a.m.

It has been a while since I have posted anything. Life has intruded into my cyber world... :) Happens to us all sometimes. Have been feeling guilty about not keeping up with things. But what can you do the yard needs mowed the house needs cleaned the laundry and the dishes have to be washed, and then there is Richard and Tommy to tend to. Painted the ceiling in Mothers bedroom it looks very nice.

 So in looking over the numbers for the last month. The blood sugar numbers I can see where I am making my mistakes and what is working. Pizza is not a good choice for me, a little bit once in a while might be ok but it makes me feel like crap. Been to Shreveport with Lynn a few times the last month and we always eat at the Golden Corral love that place. They always have brussel sprouts which believe it or not is what I eat the majority of. And I cannot pass up the ice cream... Well I think it is ice milk if that makes the doctor feel any better about the fat content.. I dont know... The sugar numbers are usually really good after a big lunch and ice cream... those bugle snacks ? Oh man. Blood sugar was 184 I had eaten a bunch of those though. Sugar was low when I got to Lynns and I had a couple of ginger snaps. If I had stopped there it would have been fine. But she gave us a bag of the chocolate and peanut butter bugles. So I ate some of those also. Of course it was only a few minutes after having eaten them that I tested but still... And I have to wonder if being sick does not raise your blood sugar ? Larry and I both got a case of food poisoning YIKES at the pizza place. another reason to leave the pizza alone. We were in the bathroom all afternoon it was miserable and then I took a nap sugar was still up before supper. Then it was a glass of almond milk I felt so crappy. So on we go Mother should be home sometime in the next week. I have to get the yard in shape. The back looks good have to work in the front. Did my last day of Bible study today well we will meet one more time. At a coffee house to discuss the whole study I would imagine. I missed a session last week. Charlis and Dewey were here and we had peas to put up. Anyway I have broken the silence it shold be easier to get on here and blog now.. talk again soon